Tibetan Buddhist Koans

Case 1

A monk went to his abbot and showed him a raster graphics rendering of the syllable HUNG. "Khen Rinpoche", he asked, "is this how one should visualize HUNG during the creation phase?" 

Saying nothing, the abbot placed a USB thumb drive in his mouth and left the room. At that moment, the monk made a vow to practice only Tonglen for the rest of his life.

Dudro Rinpoche says of this:

   Though the disc of awareness is perfectly formatted from the beginning,
   The ASCII file of discursive thought has an allocation error!
   When the wind horse is driven by the breath
   Of this analog-based vehicle of leisure and endowment,
   Binary perplexities dissolve in the Blue Screen of Death

Case 2

A lay practitioner asked a Mantra practitioner in Bodhanath, "Togden-la, why did Steven Seagal come from the West?" The yogi gave him rupees and said, "Go into Thamel and rent a copy of Above the Law." When the seeker returned, the yogi placed the cassette above the scriptures in his shrine, and did three prostrations. At that moment, the lay practitioner was greatly enlightened.

Dugdri Shorpel says of this:

   From the pinnacle of the Getty Center, 
   The Angelic City of Nine Yanas
   Is surveyed in but a moment!
   Though Seagal dwells down in Brentwood,
   The dance of Buddha's speech 
   Transcends conceptual thought.

Case 3

A Zen master challenged Kalu Rinpoche to a debate. As Kalu Rinpoche sat fingering his rosary, the master placed an orange before him. "What is this!" he demanded. Rinpoche demurred. Again, "What is this!". No response. Once again, almost shouting, the Zen master said, "What is this!" Kalu Rinpoche turned to his translator and asked, "What's the matter? Hasn't he ever seen an orange before?"

I say: 

   Before, oranges were oranges.
   Then, oranges were apples.
   Now, oranges are oranges again!
   When you get right down to it,
   They don't go well together.

Case 4

A young dialectician asked Khedrup Je, "Is Dzogchen the nihilistic view of Hashang? Or is it a valid teaching" 

Khedrup Je shouted "No!" and smashed his Chinese teacup against the wall. At that moment, the monk was enlightened.

Rabbi Jubudowitz said of this:

   In debate, old Khedrup was invincible,
   And quite brilliant in composition, too.
   But in conversation, what a yenta!
   He should have kept his mouth shut.
 
Case 5

In Dharamsala, two monks from the School of Dialectics were walking from the debating ground towards the bazaar, arguing about the second chapter of the Mulamadhyamakakarika, on the nature of movement. The younger student defended Nagarjuna's position that "going" cannot be understood without reference to the "goer" and the "gone to", while the other maintained that "mere going", unanalysed, was comprehensible to anyone. Suddenly they caught sight of the large white ass of old Tibetan woman in the woods below the road, defecating next to a leaky water main. Pointing down at her, the older monk said,  "Aha! What did I tell you?!" The younger monk was speechless.

Aku Tonpa writes,

   Going, going, gone, totally gone beyond!
   When the urge strikes,  
   Resistance is futile.

Case 6

Whenever a certain Tibetan master was questioned by disciples, he would throw his teacup against the nearest wall. Once some visitors stopped by the gate of the master's temple. A disciple was there, sipping tea. One of the vistors asked, "So, what kind of meditation does your Lama teach?" Frowning but silent, the disciple smashed his teacup against the pillar of entrance gate.

The Lama heard of this, and called the disciple into his presence. Upon questioning, the disciple sheepishly admitted what he had done. The master, a large man, picked up his disciple and threw him against the wall.

After regaining consciousness, the disciple began to stagger away. The master called after him. When he looked over his shoulder, the master held up his teacup as if to toast: and said, "'Ere's mud in your eye!" At that moment, the disciple was enlightened.

I say:

     The contents and container have opinions of each other;
     When there's no opinion, what use is a container?
     Consume the contents and opinions vanish nigh;
     The container cannot do it, though sometimes one might try!

 c. 2005